![]() M: I have two distinct relationships I am both a mom and a daughter. G: Mom/ Mugsy and my grandmother is Nana. M: I call my daughter Gabby or Gabs and my mom Nana, the Nanster. Julie Valenzuela (“Nana”), Marguerite and Gabby Brown We’re in this together and there’s no turning back, so feel free to throw away the receipt that came with me! I might not have ever had the basic rights and privileges that I do now had they given up. I am indebted to the younger versions of her and my dad, who were relentless in their quest to raise a child in this world together despite years of hardship in trying to do so. M: I want my mom to know that she, my dad, my sister (and our dog!) are my soulmates and that I wouldn’t trade my life with them for any other variation that could have been. Sometimes I understand that, but I just want her to be sure that she sees the bigger picture instead of just the details. Mia listens to advice, but she’s still going to do whatever she has her mind and heart set on doing. ![]() It doesn’t matter what choices she makes. ![]() ![]() L: Obviously, I want Mia to know that I love her and that I care about her, and that it’s all unconditional. What do you want the other person to always know that may not always be said? M: The specific lessons have changed as my relationship with my mom has evolved with age, but fundamentally, daughterhood has taught me how to be a friend and a student, and how to give one hundred percent effort. I own a preschool-kindergarten and I tell the parents of my students, “You choose where they live, you choose what you wear, and you choose the food they eat…for now.” Then, as my mother used to tell me, “When they grow older, you lose control.” As a mother of a child, you’re choosing everything for your kids because they don’t have the ability to choose. I’ve learned that it’s different being a mother of an infant or a child than it is being a mother of an adult. You give up a lot of things, too, but that’s just what you do. You don’t think about yourself often when you’re a parent because you’re always thinking about your kids. Motherhood teaches you how to be passionate, empathetic, sympathetic, comforting, nurturing and selfless. L: It has taught me patience and how to look at things through the eyes of my two daughters, which are two very different points of view. M: And how to put our problems into perspective. M: Well I think you think that I’m a little odd! You challenge me and we share a lot of things with each other, but I think you think I’m a little odd! ![]() I’m blown away when I see so plainly that she and I were so destined to be together out of all of the people in the world who could have been my mom. I try to soften her edges and she tries to soften mine, and we work as buffers for each other within our family dynamic. Even though I didn’t come from her womb, my mom is no less of a mother to me and I am no less of a daughter to her. M: I was adopted from Colombia when I was just an infant, so on paper, it’s that my mom and I are two people who aren’t biologically related living and identifying as mother and daughter. What’s the most unique thing about your relationship? How would you describe your relationship with your mother/daughter in one word? I recently learned that the reason she’s called me and my sister “mama” since birth is because she wanted us to both say her name first before “da-da.” ![]()
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